Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
40s are totally the cure
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
