that's an acceptable place to lick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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