Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Text me some of your sweat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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