I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
