EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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