Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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