so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
