The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
