Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
