1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
