so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need a beard to bite.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
