I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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