so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
