You smell like a Billy Joel song
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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