Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
