is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
