I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
