then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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