Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
