so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
