I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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