he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
