i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
