.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
