ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
