Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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