Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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