It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
