There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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