he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
