I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
