walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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