found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
