Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
