ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
