week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
