I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We need a shit load of segways right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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