You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
