Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
