Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
