trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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