Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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