Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
