That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
