Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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