He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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