he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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