we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
