normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
