saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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