Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
