Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
