If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
