you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
