hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
