you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
