Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
