I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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