If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
