The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
