beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Im part way to drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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