She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
