if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
