from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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