I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
