last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
