I just made out with a guy for $7.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
