Is it because I queefed?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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