Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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