u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
