if i can run in heels then i can drive
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize