this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
