Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
