if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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