I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
