my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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