Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
