come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
