God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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