She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
