if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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