I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
