My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize