yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
