We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
