I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Alive.
So much puke
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
