My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
