She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
