thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
