i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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