Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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