We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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