Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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