Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
