I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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