I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize