i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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