I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
