K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up under a house in Key West
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