rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
